Last week after sleeping approximately 100 min, I woke up, got dressed, dressed a 1 year old, packed a diaper bag and drove my husband to the hospital for a scheduled surgical procedure to return his voice. Driving in the dark, dodging deer, I realized we were on dead empty, so stopped and put $13 in the tank (length of time I was willing to stand there and pump and freeze in the dark). Made only a tiny bit late. When we arrived the yard crew was hard at work, in the dark, weed wacking with headlamps - never saw that before ...
So, I'm on day 2 of my period, which means I am bleeding like I have a fresh stab wound. After all the paperwork, checking him in, yadda yadda, I head for the car with the little guy - emergency stop at the bathroom - always fun with a spectator - unavoidable when you are running solo. Decide a Walmart run would be with most efficient use of my 3 hour wait. By the time I pull into the Walmart parking lot I'm feeling like I need a transfusion, and the baby has pooped. An entire box of fresh blueberries turned into diarrhea pooped - it's everywhere - seriously - everywhere. Did I mention it was cold that morning? Last week of September and it's frickin' freezing. What the crap? Didn't think we moved to Alaska, but dang ...... it's cold! So, I have a hoodie on and the kiddo is layered up with onsie, pants, socks, jacket - all now contaminated with poop.
We proceed to the Walmart bathroom and destroy it. It was not easy to clean, or contain. I did my best and 5,000 baby wipes later he's in the only piece of clean clothing in the diaper bag - a short sleeved onesie, shivering and whimpering. I gotta buy the kid some pants and socks. It's cold and this is ridiculous. I'm contaminated with blood and poop. I am biohazard. Throw me in the incinerator. I'll never be clean again. Burn it all!
We survived Walmart, the pooptastrophy, etc. Go fetch Grandpa, and get home - all before noon. WAY too much problem solving before noon.
End result - Hubby has some voice, hoping for future improvements. Baby is no longer sick and he and I are sleeping. I am no longer an evil zombie and I didn't eat anyone's brains that I can remember.
